Everyone’s Story: Dr. Ryan Fraser: A Hope Dealer

I feel very humbled by the opportunity to be this week's featured author on Elaine Stock's wonderful blog, "Everyone's Story," this week. Thanks, Elaine, for honoring my work in this way! I hope that my story will inspire others in their walk with Christ and bring glory to our God!

Everyone’s Story: Dr. Ryan Fraser: A Hope Dealer: Everyone's Story welcomes Dr. Ryan Fraser. My  main objective of this blog is to uplift and encourage others by sharing personal stori...

How to Handle Anxiety

Anxiety. Worry. Everyone deals with it to some degree. It’s an unavoidable part of the human condition—an inescapable mark of our mortality. The poet, W. H. Auden, called our era the “age of anxiety.”

On the mild side of anxiety are those common everyday worries and concerns that we typically manage fairly well. However, on the severe side are more serious issues, debilitating phobias, and nervous disorders related to chronic anxiety. These problems typically require medical attention and professional counseling.

But, no matter where you fall on the spectrum, I imagine you’d agree that worry and anxiety are significant issues in our society. Anxiety often coexists with depression as they perpetuate each other in a vicious cycle. The results can be devastating.

 

Let’s face it—many of us are “worry warts.” We stress over all kinds of things on a regular basis. Some of these issues include financial worries, relationship difficulties, work-related stressors, parenting problems, academic struggles, health and safety concerns, getting older, gaining weight, dietary restrictions, and the list goes on and on.

It comes at no real surprise that the Bible has a lot to say about worry and anxiety. Our Creator anticipated this issue being a real battle for us as human beings. Life often seems scary and uncertain to us.

We tend to make mountains out of molehills. Anxiety is an enemy of faith. It corrodes our confidence in Christ and dismantles our spiritual security and sense of hope.

So what are we to do about it? Scripture tells us around 365 times to “fear not” or, in modern English, “to not be afraid”—one time for every day of the year. That’s both comforting and challenging. It’s certainly easier said than done!

Christ’s teaching in Matthew 6:25-34 reminds us of God’s amazing care of all creation, even the tiniest birds, which are nowhere near as valuable in God’s eyes as we are as His children. If God takes care of the sparrow, surely He will see after our needs too!

Worrying about things beyond our control has no real value. It certainly won’t extend our lives. Since our Heavenly Father attends to the seasonal flowering of the lilies and grass of the field, we know He is more than capable of watching over us. In fact, He has the very hairs on our heads numbered (Matt. 10:30). Granted, some of us have less hair to count than others!

It’s important to realize that God already knows what we need before we ask Him in prayer (Matthew 6:8, 32). But, He still wants us to acknowledge our complete dependence upon Him for every blessing in our lives.

Worrying won’t change anything, but prayer changes everything. Indeed, it can move mountains. The point is this: We must trust God to take care of us! First Peter 5:7 tells you to cast “all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”

Therefore, only focus on things over which you have control. Avoid worrying about those concerns that fall beyond the purview of your power. Psalm 103:14 (ESV) states, “For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.”

When we realize that the world and everything in it belongs to our omnipotent Creator, we’ll be more apt to relinquish our worries. We all need a good, stout dose of faith and courage.

Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV) says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

God holds our lives in the palm of His almighty, loving hand. So live one day at a time. Don’t get out too far ahead of yourself. Avoid borrowing trouble from tomorrow.

In Matthew 6:34 (ESV), Jesus states, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” And always remember: God is in control!

Depression is Not a Symptom of Faithlessness

Depression hurts. Deeply. If you suffer with it, you know that firsthand. And nobody is immune, not even Christians.

It’s a widespread mental health problem in our nation with 14.8 million of the adult population being diagnosed with major depressive disorder. Depression is twice as prevalent in women as men. It is the leading cause of disability in America for ages 15-44 and often co-occurs with anxiety disorders and substance abuse. More than 350 million people worldwide suffer with depression. The medical community has long recognized it as a huge health risk, especially when it results in suicide.

Christians who suffer with depression often question the validity of their faith. They feel spiritually weak for relying on antidepressants. This is fueled by shame, guilt, confusion, and hopelessness. Believers may hold the mistaken idea that God is angry with them for some reason and must be punishing them for their sins. Indeed, depression can rob Christians of their spiritual peace and joy. Proverbs 17:22 (ESV) says, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

Suffering with depression ought not be viewed as a symptom of faithlessness. It’s a medical condition resulting from an altered brain structure and chemical imbalance. Brain chemicals known as neurotransmitters cease to function properly and thus affect mood. The disorder may be passed down genetically from one generation to the next. Symptoms of depression should never be ignored or minimized. It requires proper medical treatment along with competent professional counseling.

It doesn’t matter how spiritually minded someone is, depression is no respecter of persons and impacts individuals at all levels of spiritual maturity. To get down on oneself for feeling depressed, or to criticize those who struggle with it, is tantamount to blaming victims for a problem over which they have little control. It’s both unloving and unfair.

Everyday tasks like getting out of bed in the morning, taking care of personal hygiene, grooming and getting dressed, preparing meals, or performing simple chores around the house become seemingly insurmountable challenges. Sleep patterns are erratic—either too much or not enough. Energy levels plummet. Depression also can take a toll on our relationships, negatively impacting marriages and friendships.

In the past, I’ve counseled godly leaders who have told me that they were thinking about resigning their ministries due to their losing battle with depression. Their self-esteem and confidence has taken a big hit. But, in my opinion, these church leaders possess tremendous insight, wisdom, and empathy because of their personal experience with depression, which they wouldn’t have otherwise. They are, therefore, a valuable resource to others who suffer with depression.

David was a man after God’s own heart (1 Samuel 13:14; 16:7), yet he seems to have dealt with depression. In Psalm 31:9-10, 12 (ESV) he cries out, “Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also. For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my iniquity, and my bones waste away ... I have been forgotten like one who is dead. I have become like a broken vessel.” David’s melancholic language reveals that he was clearly not in a good place in his life.

However, with God’s help he survived his painful ordeal. David trusted that God would strengthen and sustain him. He states in Psalm 30:5 (ESV), “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” This beautiful scripture is infused with thankfulness, hope, and joy at the steadfast love of our God.

Depressed persons often feel bogged down emotionally, but the Great Physician is able to bind up their broken hearts (Psalm 147:3; Isaiah 61:1). God is aware of your needs and hears your cries for help. He cares about you. Psalm 34:18 (ESV) promises, “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

So never give up! Take hold of God’s loving hand. He won't let go of you. Seek godly counsel, professional care, and support from others. You’re not alone!

Foundations for Faithful Families

What’s up with families these days? Is it just me or does it seem that many American families are in real trouble?

According to the U.S. Bureau of the Census in 2009, there were approximately 2.2 million marriages, while there were about 1.1 million divorces. 

These are not very encouraging statistics! Most of us know that around 50% of marriages end in divorce, but you might not know how that stat has been figured. The fact is that 40% of first marriages, 60% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. Almost 20 million Americans are currently divorced. The consequence to the well-being of our families is tragic.

Perhaps most alarming is that over 1 million children are directly impacted by divorce each year. Today, blended families (or step-families) are the most common type of family configuration in our country. Around 2,100 new blended families are formed every day in America. And, sadly enough, greater than seventy percent of remarriages involving children dissolve within 5 ½ years. You see, the problem is that most families don’t blend; they collide!

In the beginning, God created families with the purpose of providing such blessings as unconditional love, physical and emotional safety/security, as well as spiritual training and healthy discipline for children. Family is a place where individuals ought to feel like they belong, but often that is simply not the case. 

Psalm 127:1 (ESV) states, “Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.” Without God being woven into the fabric of our family-life, we’re destined for disaster as a society.

Researchers have been able to identify key characteristics present in healthy families that are typically missing from problem families. These include the following: connectedness, flexibility, social and economic resources, clarity, open emotional expression, positive outlook and spirituality. Couples who agree on spiritual beliefs report significantly higher marital satisfaction and couple closeness than couples that are low on spiritual agreement (Larson & Olson, 2004).

So what can we do to strengthen and enrich our families? First of all, adults, let’s get our act together in our marriages. Most marriages terminate due to selfishness on the part of one or both spouses. Somewhere along the way we have forgotten that, in God’s eyes, marriage is not just a human contract but a spiritual covenant. Jesus taught that “What God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6). 

It’s time we stop making excuses for our immature behavior and get our marriages back on track by placing God and His Word at the center of our relationships. Attend church regularly! Incorporate prayer and scripture into the fabric of your daily life as a couple and family.

Keep the courtship flame alive. Arrange for baby-sitting and take your spouse out for a date on a consistent basis. Start serving each other’s needs rather than seeking what you can get out of the marriage for yourselves. The greatest gift that parents can give their children (besides faith in God) is to love each other.

Next, moms and dads, put down your iPhones and iPads and pay attention to your kids. Play with your children. Institute a “Family Game Night” so everyone can interact and enjoy each other’s company. Children need and crave quality time with their parents, but it often seems that we are either too busy or distracted by electronics. Kids spell love T-I-M-E.

Sit down and have dinner around the table in the evenings without the TV blaring in the background. Talk to each other. Laugh together. Share stories about the day’s activities. Did you know that teens who regularly eat dinner with their families are less likely to smoke, drink, or use drugs?

When it comes to household tasks, instead of assigning everyone separate responsibilities, attack family chores together as a family. For instance, wash dishes, fold laundry, or rake the yard together. This shared interaction breeds a sense of unity and “togetherness.”

These are just a few practical ideas. Remember that God is passionate about your marriage and family. They are worth the effort!