We All Married Idiots (Interview with Elaine W. Miller)

I am delighted this week to be interviewing author Elaine W. Miller on her new book, We All Married Idiots. You will just love what she has to say! But first, here's a tidbit about Elaine.

Elaine W. Miller is a popular author and speaker known for sharing biblical insights with warmth, enthusiasm, and humor. Elaine and her husband, Dan, have been married 43 years and reside in upstate New York. Together they have led many marriage retreats and counseled numerous hurting couples. They travel to Europe annually as a pastoral care couple to missionaries in Bosnia.

Elaine is the author of three books. Her latest release, We All Married Idiots: Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can is listed on Amazon's Best Selling books on Relationships. She also authored Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections for Drained Moms and Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections for Drained Wives.

And now for my rather enjoyable interview with Elaine . . .

Me: Hello Elaine! Thanks so much for agreeing to this interview! Please tell us a little about your own background and marriage experience.

Elaine: Hi Dr. Fraser! Thank you for the interview. 

My marriage has indeed been an experience! The first year I packed Dan's bags three times. Forty-three years later, I shudder thinking that I almost threw away this man I adore. We share three children, ten grandchildren, a miracle-working God, and an amazing life and ministry. My husband is an ordained minister. Together, we have led many marriage retreats and counseled numerous hurting couples. I am not a trained counselor or psychologist. I am a wife with a passion to see marriages thrive.

Me: Who or what inspired you to write this book?

Elaine: We All Married Idiots was inspired by my own marriage as well as numerous couples whose pain-filled marriages seemed too much to bear. God can take a dead marriage and make it alive again. I know, because He did it to mine.

The title We All Married Idiots came years ago when Dan and I were arguing. Throwing my hands up I proclaimed, "I must have been an idiot to marry that idiot!" Bursting out laughing, I realized that proclamation made me an idiot too. Years later I learned the word idiot comes from the Greek meaning common man. Aren't we all common man or common woman? There is only one who is not common man — Jesus Christ. When we look to our spouse to fulfill needs only Christ can fulfill, then we begin thinking our spouses are idiots to tolerate instead of gifts to treasure.

Me: Who is your main target audience? How or why does your writing style connect so well with them?

Elaine: Sad statistics report there is a divorce every 13 seconds in the United States. The divorce rate for couples over age 50 has doubled in the last 20 years. My target audience is anyone married or wanting to be married. We All Married Idiots connects with people because it is short and easy to read. Someone looking for marriage help may not connect with a heavy textbook on marriage.

We All Married Idiots is filled with scripture and God's Word on marriage. After all, marriage was God's idea. Anyone can read my book and understand God's plan for husbands and wives, even if they had never opened a Bible.

Me: Have you been surprised by the overwhelmingly positive response from your readers?

Elaine: Oh my, yes! Married couples are eager to learn what God says about marriage. 

Pastors are using We All Married Idiots for pre-wedding and post-wedding counseling saying if newlyweds understand the 3 things they will never change about marriage and the 10 things they can change, the new marriage is off to a good start.

Singles are reading We All Married Idiots as a guide for all their relationships and their future marriage.

Engaged couples are loving We All Married Idiots as the book prepares them for the reality of life after the honeymoon.

Couples married over 50 years are learning new ways to get along and love their spouse.

Hurting marriages are being healed. One couple finished We All Married Idiots and immediately went to their church, talked to their Pastor,  kneeled together at the altar and prayed the prayer of commitment at the end of the book. 

Me: What are a few of the most important ideas and themes of your book that you want readers to take away from it?

Elaine: The subtitle is Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can. Couples are taught to stop concentrating on the three things they will never change in their marriage, and begin focusing on the ten things they can. Then each will esteem their mate as a gift to treasure, not an idiot to tolerate.

God never says "Examine your spouse." God does say "Examine yourself."  We All Married Idiots encourages husbands and wives to stop pointing their fingers at each other and ask God to point his finger at me and show me where I am failing as a marriage partner.

Certainly, don't turn to someone else thinking a different person will bring you more happiness. I suspect you won't be in a new marriage long before you realize, "Oh no! This person is an idiot too!"

Me: Where did you get your great sense of humor?

Elaine: Can a sense of humor be inherited? My whole family is funny. Plus, God tells us to laugh. It's good medicine.  

Me: Any last words of wisdom for those who are trying to strengthen and improve their marriages?

Elaine: I'll end with my husband's favorite scripture for marriage.

Philippians 2:3-4. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Me: Thanks, Elaine, for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk with me and my readers and to share these great ideas. It is much appreciated!

Check out Elaine's website and blog at www.SplashesofSerenity.com or connect on facebook, twitter, or pinterest at Elaine W. Miller.