This summer, I was blessed with the opportunity to present a seminar for a church, on “How to Build Family
Unity.” It was inspiring to hear feedback from participants regarding the meaning and purpose of family to them.
Some felt that our
families exist to provide safety and security for persons in the home. Others
alluded to goals of parental nurturance, spiritual growth, and personal development.
However, the answer I was most impressed with was that our families’ primary
purpose is to point to God and bring praise to him.
It
doesn’t take us looking too far to observe the tragic reality that the
traditional family is under attack in America with many evil
forces vying against it. Even within the church we often struggle to keep our
families together and on track.
The question I am seeking to answer in this post is as follows: How can we go about building (or restoring) family unity
and making our families stronger? I believe that there are at least five
important keys to consider, each of which begins with the letter “C.”
The
first essential key to developing family unity is “Commitment.” It seems these
days that marriages and families are frequently viewed as temporary—even
throwaway—conveniences. There’s little-to-no loyalty. Selfishness and
self-centeredness can easily get in the way of harmony and happiness in the
home.
Whether we’re a spouse, parent, child, sibling (or all of the above), we
need to think long and hard about how committed we are to our families’ basic
physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. What level of sacrifice are we
willing to make for the health and wholeness of our family units? Family ought
to walk in when the world walks out on us.
Second
is the all-important characteristic of “Compassion.” Why is it that we often
tend to hurt the ones we should love the most through our unkind words, pettiness,
envy, angry outbursts, and bitterness toward each other?
To demonstrate
compassion in the home means to develop a genuinely caring and considerate
heart—one that sympathizes and empathizes with the various struggles, fears,
and difficulties we each possess. And it is more than just something we feel;
it’s what we do. We must demonstrate mercy and kindness one another, being
patient, understanding, and forgiving.
Third
is the concept of “Communication.” To communicate effectively necessitates more
listening than talking, more concentration than jumping to hasty conclusions,
more clarification than condemnation. We must take down our defenses and open
our ears and minds so we can take in what our family members are trying to get
across to us.
Listen with your heart and speak with honesty and humility.
Reflect back to the other person what you have grasped from their words to give
them the opportunity to clarify any misconceptions.
Fourth
comes “Compromise.” I’m not talking about compromising the truth or our moral
values in any way. What I mean is that everything—within reason—should be open
to negotiation in our families. A healthy family will be characterized by give
and take.
Certain spouses seem to adhere to the idea that “It’s my way or the
highway!” Some parents are like cantankerous ogres who never consider their
children’s legitimate wishes and desires. On the other hand, some children function with a sense of personal entitlement for
whatever they want at whatever cost to their parents. We’ve got to strike a
balance in our families so that wisdom and fairness prevails in the end.
Finally,
and most importantly in our attempt to foster peace and unity within our
families, there must be “Christ.” Jesus should be the very cornerstone of our
family life, and our homes need to be built upon him as our firm foundation.
Our ultimate purpose in our families ought to be to bring glory to God.
Psalm
127:1 states, “Unless the LORD
builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.” Let's not take our families for granted!
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