The following essay was written by my beautiful, fifteen-year-old daughter, Olivia Jean Fraser. She has captured some powerful concepts and sentiments that speak volumes about holding tenaciously to faith in God, while going difficult experiences in life. You will be blessed for reading what she has written!
~ Dr. Ryan Fraser, one proud daddy
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“Without
faith nothing is possible, with it nothing is impossible.” —Marv Bethune
My family has a history of illness. When
I was seven and my younger brother four, we found out he had leukemia. My dad,
who was a preacher in Henrietta, Texas, was busy leading the Vacation Bible School.
My mom had arrived at church with a plan. She was going help for a while and
then leave in order to take my brother, who was already showing symptoms of cancer,
to the doctor. It was not long after that the doctor called delivering the
awful news, and with that we left for the hospital. Our lives came to a
grinding halt, and my parents scrambled around trying to pick up the pieces
that had become our life. I have spent a good part of my life in hospitals, and,
if anything, it has taught me patience. It took a while to learn all these
things, a long while, and even at times I struggled and found myself thinking,
“If God truly loved us why would he make my family suffer?” But I always found
myself looking back to Job, and all the trials he faced—how he lost everything
from his family to his health, but he had always put God first and never once
cursed him. The most important thing I have learnt is that God is in control,
and that he would never give me anything I could not handle.
I had not realized it then, and
would not till much later, how close my brother was to dying—how close his
organs were to shutting down. But, with God’s help, we found out in time, and
we did get the help my brother so desperately needed. After mom had thrown some
clothes in a bag for all of us, we left for Cook Children’s Medical Center in
Fort Worth, Texas, which was an hour-and-a-half from where we were living at
the time. I remember being told that we were only going to be there for a short
while, but we ended up having to stay for fourteen weeks during his first stay.
The sleeping arrangements were awful. One parent would sleep with Austin in the
hospital bed, while the other would sleep with me on the small uncomfortable
couch. The nurses would come in at all times of the night to give Austin his
medicine, a lot of the time he would throw it up and then he would have to take
it again. People were always coming to visit, and would try to help us in any
way they possibly could. They brought money, food, candies, and most of all
prayers. They came from all over just to sit with us for the day. My dad, when
doing gospel meetings, likes to tell the story of when Mr. B.J. came to sit and
visited with us for the longest time. From my parents and these people, I
learned that God will always answer your prayers, maybe not in the way you
always want, but he will do what is best for you.
Save for a few memories, such as the one
above, I have trouble recalling most of the time I spent in the hospital. I
remember when Austin’s hair began to fall out from chemotherapy and gathered in
clumps on his pillow. My parents decided to get all of it shaved off to avoid
anymore of a mess. I’m sure they thought it would be easy to do. Just take him
to the barber shop, shave his hair, and then maybe we could go out for lunch.
What they were not expecting was for Austin and I to both throw a fit about it.
You see, Austin and I may fight like cats and dogs, but we would never let any
harm come to each other from anyone beside ourselves. In my seven and his
four-year-old mind we thought getting his head shaved was the end of the world.
I was crying so much that I had to sit in the car while my equally distraught
brother went inside with my parents. By the time it was over, and he had gotten
a sucker for his “bravery,” he was fine while I, on the other hand, was angry
for much longer. I think the worst memory I have is when Austin had his first
spinal tap procedure. One of the nurses lay across the top of his back immobilizing
him, while the doctor did the surgery. For a spinal tap surgery, you have a
large needle go into your back at the base of your spine and pull out some of
the bone marrow. Why they did not put a four year old to sleep for this is
beyond me. I remember having to leave the room with my mom while, my dad went
into sit with my brother. My mom still tells us how angry she was that they had
not put him to sleep, and at the time had wanted to hit someone. Austin, as you
can imagine, had a lot of surgeries. That meant we spent several hours in the
waiting rooms. I remember going to the gift shops to get candy multiple times
during each surgery. Waiting and sitting still for that long is not easy for a
young child, or anyone one, but after a while you get used to it, and I found
ways to entertain myself by playing with the other children, or in the little
stations they had set up for those who were waiting with children.
Half way through Austin’s treatment at
Cook Children’s, God answered my parents’ prayers, and gave my dad the job he
wanted. Freed-Hardeman University, where my parents attended college, offered
my dad a position as a professor and he gladly accepted the job. We began to
pack right away for our long move from Texas to Tennessee. It was like a
two-in-one blessing: not only was my dad getting the job he always wanted, but
we were also moving closer to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. St. Jude’s
was amazing! They helped us in so many ways. They knew how to deal with
children, they helped families that could not afford the expensive treatments,
and they paid attention the sick child’s siblings. The doctors and nurses were
kind, and it was clear that they loved children. I think Austin and my favorite
part was the hospital cafeteria. The choices varied anywhere from sushi to
chicken fingers, and their gelato was the best. If you got chocolate they would
stick bits of a Hershey chocolate bar in it, so the chocolate was my favorite.
Austin’s cancer treatments were still cancer treatments, and when he felt up to
it we went down to the playroom. On the days when he was too sick to get out of
bed, I drew pictures to decorate our hospital room. I enjoyed it when they
would do special things like have a circus day, where you could get your face
painted and things like that. I still have my picture from when I was eight or
nine, and I had gotten a blue butterfly that covered my whole face. We made
many friends while at St. Jude’s, and a lot of them were from all over the
world.
Looking back, I realize how much God has done
and continues to do for my family. He helped me face all the hard trials that
came my way, and still continues to do so. I have been surrounded my people of
great faith all my life, and sometimes I wish I could have seen it sooner.
While my life has not always been smiles and rainbows, if given the chance to
change the past I wouldn't change a thing. God put me through those trials for
a reason—maybe to prepare me for the other sicknesses my family would face a
few years later, or perhaps to help me through a hard time yet to come. My
brother is now in full remission. I have learnt that God has been by my side
through it all, that I’ve always been blessed, and that someone always has it
worse than I do. A Bible verse I love, and try to live by, is the second part
of Philippians 4:11, “… For I have learnt to be content whatever the
circumstances.”
~ Olivia Jean Fraser
