The Little Things

This weekend, I was blessed to be invited to conduct a Marriage Enrichment Seminar. I'm always amazed at how much I actually learn in preparing for such events and through observing and listening to the reactions of various attendees.  My wife, Missy, attended the seminar too, which was wonderful! During the Q & A session that I conducted on Sunday morning, she actually got the audience more relaxed by posing the first question. She's so awesome!

After the seminar was over, Missy asked me if there was anything she could do that would be helpful to our relationship and meaningful to me. My response was rather simple: "I would really appreciate it, and it would mean the world to me, if when I return home in the evenings after work, that you would greet me at the door with a hug and a kiss." I know right -- not a big deal, but nonetheless significant to me. I need that attention and daily re-connection.

I returned the favor by asking her what would be helpful and meaningful to her. Her response was also quite simple: "It would mean a lot to me if you would take some time daily to go walking with me. I need the exercise, but sometimes struggle to find the motivation to go." I followed up by asking her if she would prefer if I instigate us going walking if she would want to be the instigator. She said it would help if I brought it up.

So last night, upon returning home from a long day at work, I entered the house into a nice, clean kitchen (also something I appreciate) to be met by my beautiful wife with her sweet smile, warm embrace, and gentle kiss. I asked, "Hey, would you like for us to go walking around the track at the university sports center tonight?" She responded with an excited "Yes!" So we enjoyed a wonderful walk and some great conversation, without the kids listening in to each and every word or running interference.

I felt very good about it just as did she. And we felt like we had been able to reconnect in a simple, yet meaningful, way. All it took was a little bit of effort and some intentionality. 

It's amazing what a difference the little things can make in a marriage! And guess what? We already talked this morning and made plans to go walking again this evening. To be honest, it's just a good excuse for me to hold her hand! I'm looking forward to getting home this evening to be greeted again at the door by my thoughtful wife.

Note: This article originally appeared on my former blogsite (www.ryanfraser.org).

Marriage Matters

Next weekend (February 23-24), I am scheduled to conduct a Marriage Enrichment Seminar at the Henderson Church of Christ. The event will include five different sessions on pertinent topics, each relating to the basic question of how we can go about strengthening our marriages. I believe it's going to be an uplifting and enjoyable time for all participants. By the way, the church is providing this seminar at no cost to those who wish to attend.

Okay, so it seems like the theme of "relationships" has been on my mind a lot lately. Come to think of it, God is all about relationships! In fact, relationality is fundamental to the Trinity's intrinsic way of being. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit share with one another in a depth of intimacy simply incomprehensible to our limited human understanding. That being said, marriage clearly matters deeply to God. The Bible testifies to this reality in numerous passages including, but not limited to, the following: Gen 2:24-25; Deut 24:5; Prov 12:4; Isa 62:5; Matt 19:4-6; Mark 10:12; Rom 7:2; 1 Cor 7:2-5, 39; Eph 5:22-33; 1 Tim 5:14; and Heb 13:4.

A powerful and pervasive metaphor in Scripture for God's special covenantal relationship with Israel and, later, Christ's sacred and redemptive relationship with the church is that of marital union. Human marriage is thus intended to be a reflection of the Godhead's own familial intimacy and interdependency. 

It's sad to say that in our worldly society there are multiple forces militating against the divine institution of marriage. Among these formidable foes are such things as: (1) selfishness, (2) secularism, (3) social media, (4) sexual temptation, and (5) stressors. In our daily grind, we can all-too-easily be distracted from the priority of taking enough time and energy to nurture and grow our marital bonds. Let's face it, all good marriages involve hard work! Meaningful and mutually fulfilling relationships don't just somehow happen. They require significant effort, don't they? And they are only made possible when deep commitment is present!

Yesterday, many in America celebrated Valentine's Day, another one of those overly commercialized annual events. While I certainly don't intend to knock big days like that, we must recognize that they can't possibly make up for a glaring deficiency of daily kindnesses and small, consistent acts of love demonstrated towards and received from our spouses. It's the little things that matter most in the long run. They have a cumulative effect. And, what's more, different deeds and words communicate different things to different people. For instance, I'm not really big on greeting cards, but I know that they mean a lot to my wife. So guess what? I'm going to make the effort to buy her a card. On the other hand, she knows that I appreciate a good, home-cooked meal from time to time, so she is happy to oblige. (And, man, can she ever cook!)

Each of us is unique when it comes to our preferences, desires, and needs as related to feeling appreciated and loved. One size (or style) doesn't fit all. We all crave different things from our mates. Therefore, it is incumbent upon each of us as husbands and wives to figure out what it is that communicates to our spouse that we love them, appreciate them, and treasure them.

After almost 25 years of "marital bliss" I must confess: I'm still learning how to meet my wife's physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and--yes--sexual needs. And believe me when I say that I still have quite a ways to go on all fronts. But that's the whole point of growing together in our "one-fleshness" as a couple. It's supposed to be a challenging and fulfilling adventure. Hear me loud and clear when I say that it is absolutely worth it!

Let's try to get more creative and much more intentional as we tune in to our spouses' needs and strive to love them with all our heart. I believe that's what God intends for us to do. That's what Christ does for the church, his bride!

Note: This article originally appeared on my former website blog (www.ryanfraser.org).