Loss, sadness,
and grief are all part of the human condition. These experiences are
unavoidable, inevitable. Around the Christmas
holidays, things can be especially difficult for those persons who have lost loved ones in recent months or during the past couple of years. There are constant
reminders during this special season of the ones we miss--those who have left an empty place in our hearts.
How are we to
cope with our grief and sorrow during the holidays? This is a tough question to
answer. But let’s first start with Jesus.
Of the Messiah,
Isaiah (53:3) prophesied, “He was despised and rejected by men; a man of
sorrows, and acquainted with grief.” In his days in the flesh, Jesus experienced
the pain of isolation, sorrow, and grief. His human side knew all too well the
inner turmoil that comes from losing a loved one to death. Upon the event of Lazarus’
death, and at the spectacle of the sorrowful sisters and mourning friends,
“Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Yes, Christ was a man well-acquainted with loss and the
accompanying sadness that ensues.
So, how can you
cope when you’re still in the throes of bereavement during the holidays and the
pain of loss is still so raw? Here are just a few practical ideas I hope may be of some help:
Acknowledge Your Loss
Adequately to Your Own Self and to Others. People often attempt to stuff the disquieting feelings of
grief by ignoring them or denying the full reality of their loss. Denial
of loss and the accompanying sadness just prolongs the process of working
through it. Therefore, allow yourself permission to
feel sad and to experience whatever other uncomfortable emotions that may
emerge. Communicate to others what you need from them to help you cope and also
what you don’t need at the present. While the world seems to rush on, you are
likely to find yourself seemingly stuck in your grief, left struggling with sadness
and depression. You can’t just “get over it” and move on with your life as some
may suggest. Also, keep in mind that everybody expresses their grief in
uniquely personal ways. There is no one-size-fits-all grief process template
that every individual will naturally conform to.
Honor the Memory of Your
Loved One. Visit their
gravesite and take flowers or even a present and speak to them. Tell them how
much you still love them and miss them. When you are at home or visiting with
family and friends, it’s important to be able to have open conversations about
them recalling special memories. Share what it is about their presence that you
miss the most. Light a candle in their memory. Hold
their place at the dinner table and go around sharing what you loved about the
person. Write a poem or song about them. Spend time alone with sentimental
items that remind you of them. Look through old photo albums.
Pray to God for Help in
Coping with Your Grief and Search the Scriptures for Comfort. God knows your pain and has not abandoned
you in your bereavement. He is there to listen because He cares about you. He
understands. Ask God for strength, comfort, wisdom,
and peace. It’s okay to be honest with God about your feelings, even
your anger regarding your loss. God is big enough to handle it. He
is your loving Heavenly Father. Your “Abba” or daddy father (Rom. 8:15; Gal.
4:6). The
Psalms are especially comforting and helpful (e.g., Psalm 23; 121; 136; 142;
147) as well as are several of the teachings of Jesus (e.g., John 10:1-18; John
14:1-5), and the apostles (Rom. 8).
Take an Occasional Break
from the Grief and Do Something Enjoyable. Grief can be exhausting and often takes a long time to work through.
It’s more like a marathon than a sprint. Therefore, it is necessary to take a
break from it periodically to recoup, rest, and re-create. This is where some
healthy distractions from it can be useful. Listen to some good music, take a
candle-lit bath, exercise, catch a movie at the theatre, go eat with a friend
at a nice restaurant, take a drive and look at the holiday lights, or just curl
up and read a good novel to escape from reality for a while. Believe
me, the grief will be waiting for you when you are ready to come back to it
after you have regained some energy.
Participate in a Support
Group and/or Speak to a Minister or Counselor. There are others in the community or
surrounding communities who have gone through similar experiences within the
past months. Just being able to speak about your
sadness in a safe environment, where you can let your guard down and not feel
the need to act strong can be freeing and cathartic. So many times, we are forced to keep our
“game face” on to make it through the day if we’re working outside the home or
tending to family needs at home. This makes it hard to find time to
explore or express your deeper feelings about how you are doing inside.
There are many
other helpful strategies, but I hope these ideas are of some benefit to you. Just remember that you’re not alone and that God
loves you and cares about you.
